Ron Gardenhire to Step Aside

SBG has learned that Twins Manager Ron Gardenhire will go on medical leave before the beginning of the season.  Bench coach Scott Ullger will take over for Gardenhire.  I learned of the news from the Twins organization, specifically from the manager himself.  I first received an e-mail from the Twins office informing me that Mr. Gardenhire wished to contact me.  I made contact with the organization and planned a trip to Florida to meet with the manager, about to enter his fifth season at the helm.  Having recently changed jobs, I had a few days available to go down to Florida.  Unfortunately, due to the untimely death of Twins legend Kirby Puckett, my plans were scuttled.  Instead, I spoke with Gardenhire via telephone on Sunday evening, March 26, 2006 for approximately one hour.  Our conversation was at times heated, at times funny, and at times poignant.  I was able to record the conversation because I put the phone on "speaker" and my new MP3 player has a built in microphone.

I will admit that I was nervous about talking with Mr. Gardenhire.  If you are a regular reader, you know that I have criticized the manager regularly.  I had even taken to calling Mr. Gardenhire, "'Tool" a shortened version of Gardentool, a name that I believe was coined by frightwig.  Per arrangement, Gardenhire called me at 7:00PM.  I answered the phone and the first thing he said was "Is this the famous SBG?"  I replied that yes, it was.  He responded, "Hey SBG, this is 'tool.  I can't believe I'm finally getting to speak with a man of your incredible baseball knowledge."  The sarcasm was fairly dripping from his voice.  I wondered where he was going with that.  Then, he started laughing.  I sheepishly stammered out an apology for using that name, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed for using a disrespectful name.  He cried out, "hey, don't worry about it.  I'm one of the billions!"  I laughed and felt pretty good, as I knew that he knew what that meant.  He was a faithful reader.

I asked him how he found my site.  "To tell you the truth, SBG, I found out about your site from Bat-Girl."  What?  "Well, last year, we had her in the clubhouse, and I decided to check out her site and I saw that there were a bunch of links to other Twins sites.  I saw yours there and I checked it out.  I liked what I saw.  Well, at least some of what I saw."  Ah yes.  Back then, I hadn't yet pissed her off, and I had a link there.  Gardy mentioned that, too.  Hey big fella, he said, you shouldn't go peeing on the big dogs if you are just a runt.  Then, he said, hell, you didn't back down.  That's what I like.  You don't back down.

I was beginning to think that this was a little embarrassing.  I mean he was laying it on thick.  Then, I realized that the hammer was about to come down.  "Yeah, SBG, you don't back down, even when you are full of shit, which is most of the time.  For instance, what the f*** do you know about Cuddyer?  The kid has never performed when there has been any pressure on him at all.  The pressure was on him in April and he f***** up and then you spend the rest of the summer quoting his stats from May 1st on.  Well, SBG, the games in April count, too, and he was miserable."  I shot back: even with April, he was a better hitter than a lot of guys on that club.  I don't understand how he gets jerked around every year while guys like Punto get 500 at bats, Rivas plays every day for 4 1/2 years, and Juan Castro is a candidate for the starting job at shortstop.  Gardy blew up and let loose a string of profanity the likes of which I'd never heard.  I actually thought about hanging up, and half-feared that he'd beat me to it.

About that time, Gardy started to cool down.  He said, "SBG, I like your stuff.  That's why I'm going to tell you something that no one outside of this organization knows.  Hell, even the players don't know yet.  SBG, I'm going to take a leave of absence from the team starting at the beginning of the season."  My jaw just about hit the floor.  "Now, I tell you that in confidence.  Terry Ryan and I are going to address the team on Friday night.  After that, you can break the story.  The rest of the press will get a statement from the team on Sunday evening.  Virtually no one reads your site anyway, so go ahead and post a story on Saturday.  The small group of people who read your site are big Twins fans and they deserve to get the news first."

I could not believe what I was hearing.  I asked Gardy if he could tell me why he was doing this.  He told me that it was a medical leave.  I pressed further.  He protested at first and then opened up.  "I have a rare condition called a Scrubini Fixation."  What?  "It's a psychosomatic condition that shows up occasionally in competitive types, which causes those afflicted to seriously overvalue the talents of certain individuals while undervaluing the talents of other, more worthy individuals.  Apparently, I've had it, untreated, for years."

I was a little flabbergasted.  I've never heard of such a condition, but I looked it up in a medical dictionary, and sure enough, it is a recognized condition, which left untreated, can lead to serious problems.  Left untreated, it can progress to advanced stages, and can actually be fatal.  Gardy continued.  "I never really realized that there was anything wrong until I started to read your blog.  I mean, I thought I was doing all I could to make this team win.  And yet, here I was, giving Nick Punto 500 at bats last year, while openly criticizing Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau in the newspaper.  I thought that maybe I was just having a bad year.  But, then, I read Aaron Gleeman's archives and it was all there.  I cringe when I think that I actually said at the beginning of the 2005 season that Luis Rivas would prove me right.  I started to think, what caused me to play him every day for years and actually hit him at or near the top of the lineup at times?  Meanwhile, Aaron was pleading for me to Free Johan Santana!  Free Bobby Kielty!  When I think that I had those guys wasting away while I was playing Rivas,  I could almost cry."  I thought he was going to cry.

"Anyway, SBG, after reading your site, Aaron Gleeman's, Seth Stohs, and that Sun-what-in-the-hell-is-the-name-that-blog Wood and others, I started to realize that I didn't know what I was doing.  I needed help, SBG.  I needed help.  I was amazed to find out that there were a lot of people out there writing about the Twins, who knew the game.  You people were all united, and you really had a huge influence on me.  Oh sure, Bat-Girl was singing 'Li'l Nicky Punto's' praises, so I held out some hope that things were okay.  But, then I figured out that that was just a bit.  Her site is fanciful, it's not about baseball so much as about fun.  I didn't get it at first.  I had hit rock bottom.

"I went to see a sports psychologist.  It turns out that he was well-aware of the symptoms of Scrubini Fixation and in fact, he was pretty sure I had it already.  After talking about it, the evidence became more overwhelming.  Even my refusal to platoon Jacque Jones was part of the sickness.  Jacque is a quality major league baseball player.  But, let's face it, against lefties, he's a Scrubini.  Yet, there I was, running him out there against every left hander in the league.  I was convinced that I was doing the right thing, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, which was being published on the Internet almost daily.  Then, there's the matter of Shannon Stewart's arm.  I mean, I know now that he can't throw and that Lew Ford is twice the outfielder that he is.  But, I insisted on playing in him out in the field everyday and DHing Lew Ford.  Again, part of the sickness.  I have come to learn that I wasn't utilizing my players correctly.  Yeah, Stewart is an established major league player.  But, as an outfielder, you know, he's a Scrubini.  I know that now.

"After talking with my sports psychologist, I came to find out that there is no real cure.  It can only be managed by medication, and intense therapy.  I felt better when he told me I wasn't alone.  In fact, right here in town, we have the biggest example of unchecked Scrubini Fixation in the country.  I mean, have you ever seriously contemplated what Kevin McHale is doing?"

"Yes, Gardy, I have." 

"Anyway, I worked hard in the off-season.  First, I let jettisoned the King of Scrubinis, Al Newman.  Good God, have you ever seen his career numbers?  He wasn't much better at coaching third base.  First, he had an crazy number of players thrown out at the plate.  Then, he wouldn't send anybody, costing us countless runs.  I "defixated" and cut him loose.  Then, I moved Ullger out of the batting coach to a bench coach job.  Of course, Rivas left.  That was a good step.  And, I signed off on letting Jacque Jones leave.  While only half a Scrubini, I realized that I couldn't control myself -- I'd never be able to platoon him -- and so I let go and thought happy thoughts.  But then, the darkness started to grab a hold of me again.

"It all started when we offered arbitration to Punto.  At first, I thought, hey that's stupid!  But, SBG, I got weak.  Now I'm talking about playing him everyday or at least alternating with Juan Castro.  And, I'm also talking about sending Jason Bartlett down.  Pretty soon, the Scrubini Fixation had retaken hold of me.  Every day, the thought would not leave my mind.  Punto is our best option at shortstop.  I fought it at first, but soon I thought that was the way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop.  The way of the future. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. Punto is our best option at shortstop. The way of the future. The way of the future."

I seemed that Gardy would repeat those two phrases forever in a trancelike state.  I was wondering what Leonardo diCaprio looked like in a goatee.  Perhaps he'd be called on to play Gardy in a movie in about 20 years.  I started to yell at Gardy.  "Ron, Ron!"  Eventually, he seemed to snap out of it.  "Late last week, I got a call from my sports psychologist.  He brought in a specialist.  We talked for hours.  I insisted I was okay, but after the specialist crunched the numbers and reviewed my thoughts on the 2006 team, I knew it wasn't okay.  I wasn't better.  I need some time away.  I don't know when I'll be back.  It could be a day, a month, a year.  Who knows?  I don't."

With that, we talked a little bit more about his condition and then he politely told me that he had to go.  I wished him well and hung up.  Wow.

I felt mixed up inside.  On the one hand, I felt partly responsible for helping Gardy to realize that he had a problem.  I was also amazed at the influence bloggers like me had on the organization.  It really inspired me to work harder at my little hobby.  On the other hand, I was remorseful for making fun of a guy who obviously needed help.  I have to admire Gardy.  Even in the face of all this, he's put on a brave front.  He was open with his problems.  He's still out there in spring training, battling his affliction.  I hope that the time away from the game will help him to work through the Scrubini Fixation.  I hope that as a manager, he gets better.

Editor's Note:  With the assignment of Jason Bartlett to AAA, it appears that the leave of absence hasn't come soon enough.  The Scrubini Fixation appears to continue to take its toll.