One of the things that is really important here at SBG is to identify the Face of the Franchise, no matter what franchise it might be. Thanks to Top Jimmy, we've got:
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| That's a no doubt, first ballot FOTF. Right? | Hmmm. That's the FFOAFIF (familiar face of a franchise in flux). And the judges say, that counts! A technical FOTF! |
Good. I'm glad that's settled. Now, I know who to cheer for.
But wait.
Mauer and Birk might be the two most popular players on Minnesota's two most popular teams, and they have more than a hometown and high school in common.
Now, we have two MPPOPTs (most popular player on popular team):
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| Joe Mauer, MPPOPT-Twins | Matty B., MPPOPT-Vikings |
Wait a second. Does this elevate them to FOTF status? I am so CONFUSED! Judges, I NEED A RULING HERE!
And the ruling is in! Top Jimmy writes the most unreadable drivel in the market! Can you believe it??? Another non-story on Matty B. It's official, there's nothing to write about when it comes to the Vikings. FOTF! MPPOPT! In consecutive columns! I'm going to have to see if Moss has an opinion on the value of this streak.
(In case you didn't know, it's right there in your Sunday Minneapolis Star-Tribune: Both Birk and Mauer went to Cretin-Durham Hall! And did you know this? Birk went to Harvard! Don't forget to go to Birk's new restaurant opening soon at 501 Washington Avenue in Minneapolis! Birk's so smart, he can spell entrepreneur!)
Now, to be fair, Top Jimmy does write about Birk's injury and notes that Birk missed all of 2005. But, not a word anywhere about how Birk said he'd play in 2005 if the Vikings guaranteed his 2006 contract. When the Vikings refused, Birk opted not to play and had surgery instead. So, he got his 2005 contract and will now get his 2006 money and he didn't play in 2005. As someone who thinks that NFL contracts not being guaranteed is ridiculous, I'm not going to criticize Birk's decision. But, I'm going to mention it in an article about him this year. And, I'm not plugging a football player's restaurant if I'm writing a column about him. You know, at least an appearance of objectivity would be nice. But, hey, Top Jimmy suggested that Brad Johnson is comparable to Brett Favre earlier this week, so given that level of objectivity, perhaps a discount at the new Birk restaurant should be given if you mention Top Jimmy's column.
I think the supper club mention was a shot at Sid. I'm just sayin'.
Maybe the whole column was a shot at Sid. Maybe the comparison of Johnson to Favre was a shot at Sid. Maybe Top Jimmy is the best satirist in the city. I think we need a ruling from the judges.
Maybe Top Jimmy's raison d’être is to tweak Sid through a series of parody columns.
Maybe I'm about to reach "absurd conclusion" territory. :)
SBG, this column would get a -5 stars from me if a rating system was in place...
I really wish football would be ignored more than 3 weeks a year by the media.
Lucy always buys the Saturday version of the Sunday Strib. There's Top Jimmy's article on the top of the page. I don't know what the Sunday version looks like, but I don't know how that tripe is more important than the Twins right now.
I really wish football would be ignored more than 3 weeks a year by the media.
What 3 weeks are those? I need to mark them on my calendar!
Moss believes Hunter is actually the SCOTF -- Sweet Cheeks of the Franchise.
Moss believes Hunter is actually the SCOTF — Sweet Cheeks of the Franchise.
In other words, you are saying that he is the ROTF.
Amen, Whiffers. Vikings, Sid, and a picture of Torii. Waste of good bandwidth. And baked more than 50%.
Nobody with a Harvard degree can be face of any franchise. It's just not right.
Where but Minnesota can a former long-snapper remain a local media celebrity years after his retirement, while the present "most popular player" is also a Center?
I don't care where he grew up, why should anyone give a damn about the Vikings Center?
I don’t care where he grew up, why should anyone give a damn about the Vikings Center?
Because having a good O-line is half the battle in having a good offense, and the center is a big key towards having a good O-line? And Birk is one of the best at his position?
I don’t care where he grew up, why should anyone give a damn about the Vikings Center?
I can't answer that. Tell me, how could the Vikings be the clear number one franchise in this town? The Twins are a helluva lot more exciting and have accomplished a lot more.
Wrong, SBG. The Twins have only lost ONE World Series. They have three more to go to catch up to the Franchise Face of Minnesota (FFOM).
That one doesn't really count, either, because the Twins were in it. The Vikings played in four SBs and never once had a lead. Blown out four times. Even though the score in the Pittsburgh game was 16-6, they had about as much chance of winning that game as they had in 41-doughnut.
I quit the Tribune because of Jimmy Top Hat.
I refuse to subsidize him. I know he's probably a 'real nice guy', and I feel bad for his family and all, but gawd, he's a really bad columnist.
How many people tune into football games to watch offensive linemen, or really have the expertise to tell when a Center is exceptionally good at what he does? So Birk is a Pro Bowl Center. What does that mean to most fans? You figure an offensive line is good when the QB doesn't get sacked much and the RB has big holes to run through. Otherwise, linemen are like umpires and referees: you only really notice them when they're terrible.
The only reasons people are supposed to care about Matt Birk are that he's a local guy and he's always eager to talk to the media.
True enough, FW. Of course, it is also the case that the Vikings sucked last year in significant part because Birk missed the season.
I called it to my grad school buddies the day the Vikes declined to guarantee his contract. With Birk last season, Culpepper doesn't play like crap and the running game is competent. Playoffs happen.