It's a late game for those of you in Minnesota, but a surprisingly reasonable one for me. Normally my dinner ruins the middle innings of these things.
Today, the Twins find themselves in annoyingly familiar territory: a couple ticks short of .500, trying to find their way back. Yours truly, and Ubes truly, were at the game on Saturday watching the Twins' most unstoppable hitters become stoppable, which is pretty much a blueprint for losing.
Tonight, two kids are on the hill. The older one is the opposing starter, who was born in 1984 (to put that in pop-culture context, that's the year Van Halen released "1984"). I can't guarantee either will go to the Hall of Fame, but I am 100% certain both will be ten-time all-stars:
Anthony Swarzak 1-2, 4.76
Josh Outman 3-0, 3.02
Both are overperforming, Outman by a fairly large margin. Still, he's the expected superior pitcher here, the A's are at home, and he's left-handed. The walk is his greatest liability, though he strikes out twice as many as he walks.
The Twins pulled to within 1.5 games of Detroit just two days ago, and promptly surrendered two games back to them, which has been the story so far. Detroit's already beaten Chicago today as well. The threat of the AL East looms large over the rest of the division, who haven't had as much of a chance as the Twins to be embarrassed by them, but in the meantime, none of that will matter if the Twins can't win on the road (no matter who they're playing).
This last-place A's team is quite beatable, although they've made a recent run and are on an MLB-high six-game winning streak (the Rockies have the second longest, at five wins, and are also in last place. How often does that happen?). A few years back, the Twins snapped a 20-game winning streak that the A's had going. Six? Hell, no problem. Go Twins!
The older one is the opposing starter, who was born in 1984 (to put that in pop-culture context, that's the year Van Halen released "1984").
so was Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA
JoeC reports no Crede tonight with a sore calf. I like Crede, but man he gets nicked up a lot.
Also Kirby's first season in the majors.
And my birthday! </whipper-snapper>
The odds of this East coaster making it past the fourth inning: 5:1. The odds of the two starters tonight being members of the Hall of Fame before all is 2030: 1:1.
It's simply unavoidable. Cy Young will be surrendering his name to one of these guys for that award.
That is, of course, assuming Matt Wieters doesn't become a pitcher .
Whoops, I have been drinking. "all is" has no place in the previous comment.
New Guy Prediction: Twins will win 4-0. Swarzak will pitch a perfect game with 27 strikeouts. Outman will pitch a complete game loss with 27 strikeouts. Joe Mauer will go 4-4 with 4 homeruns.
That would go a long way towards getting these two into the Hall of Fame.
Gameday = fial
*sigh*
love these late games...motivates me to do housework in the evening
See it motivates me to drink more before the game starts.
Can't we do both?
Dude's name is Outman. Of course he's gonna overperform.
Well if yer so smart, explain Grant Balfour.
If Joe Mauer gets a hit, and Gameday isn't working, does Gordo make a sound? pffft, heck yeah.
When I wrote the above, I'd forgotten DET-CWS was a doubleheader. Game 2: White Sox 6-0 in the 8th.
Checking in. I'm sitting on my bed, watching the game on the Big Screen.
Joe has man-muscles, even if that ball he pulled through the right side was only a single. Dude seems like he is filling out.
if Josh Outman isn't a hillbilly, I don't know what one looks like.
And Sleestak with a meatball to the leadoff hitter....
It'll be interesting to read this game log in the morning. It'll just be you, Spookymilk, and maybe Ublemann going back and fourth by the end.
By the end? It's just me talking to myself like a homeless business exec with a bluetooth headset.
That'll be interesting too.
I'll be here
We're going to be spending so much time together on this Oakland trip, we'll all be on the same cycle.
+1 month.
Joe Mauer in his crouch might be as tall as Little Nicky Punto standing tall.
Not sure I wanna say how I read that sentence at first glance.
cr-OUCH
that is no an error in the Dome.
Harris blows
Giambi sportin' the colorized Porn Fu Manchu.
Sparse crowd. There may be more people at the next Lynx game.
The 2-0 Lynx.
Is it too late to have McHale ruin them?
Span got lucky there. Where was the cutoff? No way he gets Cabrera at third, but by throwing there, Kennedy could have gone to second.
I like double plays when we turn them.
Swarzak lucky the moron at first didn't tag. Helped him put up a zero
Well, that was the A's only chance. This game is ova!
DP? Well, for fun! I think our clowns are currently still sitting on one Monday win for the season, so I need Swarzak to come through for me.
Correction. I like Outman a lot. He wears his socks the right way.
Agreed 100%. I haven't seen baseball socks in a long time.
Wow, did Harris take videos of the ump's daughter?
and publish them on Youtube??
Dick: Here's Delmon Young, who's probably going to swing the bat.
That's twice already Dick'n'Bert have had a subtle dig at _elm_n. Guess the front office has finally turned on him.
Do splits matter if your righty is dead-ass miserable? Jeez.
Gomez + Young 14 walks, 70 strikeouts. Hide your eyes, boys.
This week on The Biggest Loser....
Outman another inning closer to the HOF.
You can only hope to temporarily contain him.
I miss the piranhas...
Funny, after cricket tonite, I stopped to pick up takeout sushi at the local Japanes/Korean outlet. Waitress was freaking out about the dead fish in the aquarium. "They've eaten their eyes!"
Sit down, Beyatch!
Is dat sum Steven Tyler?
Hah! LOL.
No kidding. It's frightening how easily I see him in there.
Killing me.
I once saw a photo of Michael Jackson where the nose was reduced to a tiny dot. This reminds me of that.
Is that supposed to be a Swarzak?
Sleestaks
Or a drunken Joe Perry looking at the band's singer.
SAH-REE-SEH-TAH-KAH!!
If outman gets traded to the Blue Jays, do we have to start pronouncing his man OOT-man?
+10 white vans.
I vote for HOZ-er.
Tolbert laced that ball. That's a home run in Little League.
I think Casilla had a 12 to 6 swing on that pitch in the dirt.
Bobby Crosby's wife gave birth today. So he CAN score.
Dick disappointed in the lack of bunting. Here you go, Dickie!
Looks like the Swedish bikini team hung their thongs out to dry.
It's amazing that a lifetime of watching bunts rarely having a positive outcome isn't enough for announcers to stop begging for them. Seriously, what will make them see? What? What>!>>!#L!L>!!>???!??!
Mister the day the lottery I win
I ain't never gonna drive in no used car again
Span fouling off ball four there.
Ootman living right that inning.
Morny changing gloves in mid-inning. Musta broken a bit o' lacing.
Dickey in at short?
Gotta go eat dinner. The Mrs. cooked!!! I loves her. Too bad I don't have a Big Screen downstairs too.
Old Granite Hands Harris.
No mas.
+2 Stones.
Please God, help Dirty Harry stop sucking in the field.
I'll toss in some Durer.
Ugh...when is Punto coming back? :
ucks::
That one may have gotten Harris squarely in the nuts.
dirty harry errory.
I can't believe this is only the third inning.
In a scoreless game, no less.
It's weird...it's only 8pm where I'm watching, but it seems crazy-late because I don't see them at this hour out here.
Wow...Harris really did post those videos on Youtube! These called strikes against him are atrocious
evening, folks.
Delmon Young is going to hit a home run.
Did you see New Guy's prediction above? Or for that matter, my assessment that both starters are among the greatest pitchers in history? Yours was more of a stretch than either.
Never mind...Gomez just got an RBI BB. All things are possible tonight.
hey, a hit with RISP!
I think that this Outman fellow and Mike Miller of the T-Wolves should have a contest to see who looks more like the Geico caveman.
Definitely some Neanderthal DNA in that sequence.
I like the stuff Ryan Franklin is sporting lately
I've been looking for my broom....
oooo, juiced for GoGo with 2 outs. WALK! GoGo with a WALK!!!!!!!
lol...Outman can't get Young and Gomez out. More like NoOUTman. Ha ha. See what I did there?
I don't get it.
EZ Ribbie for GoGo.
DazzL: Gomes picks up an RBI.
Meat: About time!
We don' need no stinkin' hits!
Gomez walked in a run. Wow.
GoGo Gadget Eye
w00t! Runs!
Matt Tolbert, Superstar.
When you walk Gomez and allow Tolbert to hit a 2-RBI single against you...you shouldn't be called Outman.
LOL
Dumbest walk ever. Gomez! With two outs!
Well, when you put it like that...
Tolbert and Gomez drive in runs. Of course!
2-out rally's rock.
That
buntwalk really tied that inning together.That has to be the first time that all those misfits reached in the same inning. That was a lot to ask of that part of the lineup with two outs.
Porn Man Time.
Swarzak trying to keep this game close.
I wonder if Giambi is getting endorsement cash from Grecian Formula.
Grr. Throw some freakin' strikes!!!
hrm, back to back walks.
Man, in Oakland? I'm sure Swarzak found some wacky tobaccy.
Considering the area where the stadium is located, he could probably get it from any single person at the ballpark.
Anthony
SwarzakBalfourWTF, Weed? Throw some frackin' strikes.
jeebus. When did we trade for rick ankiel??
I wonder if Top Jimmy is watching.
Dirty Harry!!!
Durer prays off.
My oh my Brendan, that was absolutely Punto-esque!
It was the praying granite hands!
Dr. Chop: Giambi is still with the A's?
Me: No, he's back to the A's, after being with the Yank's
Dr. Chop: What, someone's too greasy, even for the yankees?!?
So the Chop was savvy enough to know that Giambi played for the A's, but missed out on seven years in the Bronx?
She was in school during those years.
Heh, if it was only 7 years.
A diller, a dollar, a dilettante scholar.
Oh, cr@p. That was scary.
It sounded like a homerun on the radio.
and hit about as hard.
Obviously throwing at his head there. Swarzak has had pin point control so far this inning.
Swarzak clearly isn't breathing through his eyelids this inning.
Jeeeeeeebus Anthony. Reign it in buddy.
Oof. That could have been ugly. He's gonna stay in the game!
I hate that I knew the 3-run lead wouldn't last a single inning. Balls. Balls, balls, balls.
carp
Warning, you might not be able to stop laughing.
Can we just demote both of them and go with a 3-man rotation for the rest of the season?
He's got Pitchability.
I find it stunning that the wads who refuse to look at new stats are so quick to embrace things so New Agey and touchy-feely. "Pitchability," Jeebus Price.
That's what passes for analysis at the largest newspaper in the state.
Any wonder why it's a dying industry?
That article has one of the greatest comments I have ever seen:
Would that Strib Guy could write anything so hilarious.
Yikes, I think that Strib Giy would be hard pressed to beat that meat.
You can't fake crap like that.
Of which, has anyone ever seen Strib Guy and New Guy in the same room?
Or Rifding Hokme?
egads.
Brendan Harris must've confessed his sins to Mauer in the dugout.
Let's not get too crazy about that one. Harris only moved about three feet and fell down.
That's about how far Delmon usually makes it before he falls down.
Where's Robert Allen Dickey when you need him???
Anthony is thinking, crap, I"m going back to carrying my own bags.
Maybe he should have thought of that BEFORE he took the mound.
Gonna pull him, huh? Didn't think maybe you should do that when he hit the guy in the mother*&^%ing skull? No? Okay then.
That poor SOB got beaned and then had to run 270 feet on that double.
I know...I was thinking maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't remember how to get there.
I've had it with these Mutha 'Effin
snakesSwarzaks on this Mutha 'Effin plane.I hate that BK commercial where the burger gets pissed off because the dude offers him a baked potato. A baked potato is better than any of the sides they offer at BK and it's not like they don't have fries at Wendy's.
BK fries are the World's Worst.
Seriously. Every time I see that commercial, it makes me want to go eat at Wendy's.
I don't get the concept. "Those guys have greasy little dumbass bullies as their spokesburgers. Let's go there!"
Better than that creepy dude dressed up in the King costume.
Better than the squarebutts...
I do like their chicken fries tho.
I dunno, BK fries are the least good, but Wendy's fries more than about 2 minutes out of the fryer turn to mushy, bland globs of potato goo. Pretty gross. Even when they're "bad," BK fries aren't a lot worse than when they're good!
Now that's an endorsement!
Oh, I agree, but I still laugh every time when he says, "Are we in Russia?" I've been to many parties thrown by Russians and man have there been a lot of potatoes.
You were a diplomat?
Beau?
I'm sure Beau wishes he was sent a broad...
a broad...
" alt="" />
Hiyo!
Dang, send me a broad, too.
shhh
It's actually the only commercial in that campaign I like. The timing is just perfect with the whole "Baked po... A baked pota... Are we in Russia???"
I guess that reference is a bit too obscure for me then. I just assumed that baked potatoes were some sort of "commie" food or something. I like baked potatoes. Maybe I should move to Russia!
I think that's what they were referring to.
the A's with a Twins-like rally. 3 runs on 1 hit
Hey, guise.
what's up tjack?
Not a whole lot, just making the Vikings awesome & catching some Twins baseball.
Good tiiiiimes.
"Luis Ayala out to face Jack Cust, Matt Holliday, and Jason Giambi." I knew how this was going to go before he even threw that first meatball.
Gardy Cust.
Cust has hitability.
There is a preponderance of evidence that Luis Ayala sucks at pitching.
but he's got veteranyness, so he gets beyond a reasonably doubt leeway
E-mail of the game = Time for DazzL to say "Get off my lawn. You kids and your goddamn rap music."
I hate this segment
EMALE? GET OFF MY LON!!
"LOIN" I think.
How long before Dizz Tweets?
The day he tweets is the day his head explodes.
I'm not wishing any head explosions, but I would really like to hear a little more Attebury.
About the time that icicles start forming in Hades.
Jeebus. I leave for an inning, and THIS is what you give me? Ayala and a deficit?
And some awesome pitchability from Anthony.
When you say deficit, the Ayala is understood.
You missed the part where Swarzak took 11 pitches to throw his first strike in the inning and the part where he hit a dude in the head.
sadly, I saw that part. I left to pick up the boy while Cunningham was still writhing.
Giambi looks like he's finally off the juice. Looks a bit like he might be talking to Neshek's dietician.
refer to Smells Like Mascot's genius on that subject.
McFail update. In or out? I say he does not return as coach.
I think if Taylor had just fired him outright like he should have, we could have landed a better GM. Also, it would have helped if he had not given them lowball offers.
I can't believe how this team still does everything it can to keep him around after all the eggs he's laid. What level of incompetence must a man reach?
Apparently, there are further depths to plumb.
And they are determined go all the way down.
Woofs fans are Roto-rooters?
They are following the hole the Wolves are digging all the way to China!
there are some good players in China!!!!one111!!!!
Baby blue Carew jersey(s) in the "crowd."
Ayala shooting par tonight.
I'm going to eat a rally piece of key lime pie. The Twins are going to score an ass-load of runs this inning.
Define an ass-load. On second thought, don't.
There are certain search engines that will report you to authorities if you use the search term ass-load.
Why it means zero, of course!
mocha almond fudge and peach ice cream combo. I'm doing my part for a rally.
It would help if this were not battling with the bottom five in the order....
Hey, that's where all the runs have come from.
our no-swing offense HAS been pretty effective. The swinging offense, less so.
I'm going to start a rally 7hrs of sleep (if I'm lucky) and read about the comeback in tomorrow's news. Fight the good fight, dudes
Man, this ump's strike zone seems pretty wide.
Delmon steps out of the way, shocking.
Gotta love _elm_n. Swing at the balls and take the strikes, go sit down.
the Mrs: Why is _lm_n in the lineup if he sucks so bad.
Me: true, true.
My Mrs.: Huh, he's not very good, is he?
Me: **Shakes head solemnly**
Imaginary New Guy girlfriend: Delmon Young sure is lousy! Oh, and I booked our flights for tomorrow. We're going to Hawaii to become rock'n'roll surfer secret agents!
New Guy: Thanks, Karen O, you're a doll. And you're right about Delmon being lousy.
Strib Girl: WHAT IS THE FREKING PROBLEM WITH THAT DELLMAN GUY? HE SUCKS. TRADE HIM FOR A CATCHER AND MOVE THAT PUSSIE MAER TO THRID!
Strib Giy: YOU ARE SOO HOTT! LETS GO DO SOM NASTY.
MOVE THAT PUSSIE MAER TO THRID!
MOVE THAT PUSSIE MAER TO TURD!
fixed that for your, doc.
New Guy and Karen O heading to the airport.
LOL. I'm having a hard time 'splaining this one to the Mrs.
New Guy appears taller in person.
The camera
adds 10 poundssubtracts 3 feet.The internet is a wonderful/horrible place.
You know that that kid is 'effed up.
I imagine that photo is representative of the early life of most carnies.
Hahahaha oh man, that actually looks like me as a little kid too!
If Karen O is your doll, you are my hero.
Whoa, did he lose one of the underscores now? He's in harsh territory.
you mean under______?
Bravo, sir.
Did you explain it was because of his hustle and passion for the game?
bread is baking.
but the sky did not fall.
Does anyone else see Span make a play look easy in left and wonder what the play would look like with _elm_n out there?
Are you TRYING to give me nightmares?
What play?
Pick one.
Oh, I see what you were doing. Never mind, I'll back out now.
Yeah, I was worried my snark would be a little too ambiguous.
hey! its Austin's own Mike Wuertz! I've actually had the Wuertz Burger at the sports bar in Spamtown
Dick, bemoaning the lack of bunting, again. I'd rather listen to Bert talk about pitch counts.
Michael Wuertz.
Something like this, maybe?
Shoulda been under Whiffers' query.
Nine months later, she gave birth to a beautiful little Yugo.
Awwwww
Represent!
I dont know why this makes me chuckle
If the Twins lose by this score, the loss will go to Ayala instead of Swarzak. That's just wrong
Oh, next thing you know, you'll be quoting made-up stats all up in my grill.
I am looking forward to Breslow vs the M&M Gurls.
Made me LOL again tonight. Yeesh, how old am I, anyway?
That looks EXACTLY like Aaron Cunningham, except for the divet in the head from the Sleestak beanball.
I always enjoy the West Coast games, I get to see almost all of the game after putting the kid to bed...and now I think it might bring out even more zaniness with the WGOM crew. I'm enjoying the gamelog even though the game itself isn't exactly drawing me in.
And as much as Dick-n-Bert suck, I listened to Chris Berman call the Rays-Yankees game earlier so I'm surprisingly happy with these two yahoos.
another pussy single.
This just in, Joe Mauer is good at baseball.
Mauer on! This is our inning boys and girls.
Craiggers looks slightly sad in his As photo - I hope Bill Smith is happy now.
As much as I hope we give him a blown save, I wish we still had him.
Another marathon tonight, as the Braves beat the Pirates in 15 innings. It featured Nate McLouth homering against his former team. I am soooo glad I'm not a Pirates fan, no matter the shortcomings of Billy.
Andrew McCutchen was 4-7 with 2 triples
GOD D@*# IT GORDO
Let me guess, "A HIGH DRIVE, DEEEEEP LEFT FIELD... Holliday under it just in front of the warning track."
Not enough, Mountie. Not enough.
Now we get Pat Neshek Lite.
Or, considering the injury, perhaps Pat Neshek Heavy.
eff you Gordo. Got my blood pressure up with the call of a high drive, way back....
No kidding. I bounced up outta my chair. Did it even make the warning track?
Not quite. I suppose it would have had it gone over his head.
so, if _elm_n had been playing in LF?
Exactly
it looked great off the bat, but not enough to excite Bremer
Dick did the same thing.
Trade the M&M Gurls.
+multiple statues in one star's future.
Hanks looks a little like that catcher we have these days.
Jose Morales is no Tom Hanks.
well played.
Whoa, and Dick hits puberty!
gasnjhk.,dasjn.gvrfk,nedvagr,hdgnkk
God dammit Cuddyer. Argh.
Game over. Season over.
+ 1 statfreak
So, Harris/Delmon/Gomez in the 9th. I smell a victory
Well Kubel will assuredly PH for Delimon.
For which team?
Excellent. So once again, it'll come down to the Twins' C-team to score some runs. Well, y'all did it once, you can do it again...
1-2-3 imo
This game has been about as enjoyable as your lazy roommate's beer farts.
Remember when we had the lead for 14 seconds? That was actually somewhat cool.
Refer to Beau's 'smelling victory' post about 2 above.
The game log far more entertaining than that crap piling up in Oak-town.
It does take the edge off, doesn't it?
Sean Henn looks over to the A's dugout and says, "That's why I'm here and you got shipped out, Breslow."
Then Breslow said "Scoreboard".
heh. the local Fox Sportsnet coverage just put up a graphic referring to "Hannahan"'s bases-clearing triple. Half-baked.
and the PA guy just called Cheese "Gerr-Rear".
Ugh. You have one job, PA guy. ONE JOB.
Remember Joe Buck slaughtering Justin Duscherer's name in the ASG intros? He laughed and said, "You know, I worked on that one all night, too." I laughed and said, "If you were a baseball fan, you would've known his name, buttf*^k."
whoops. Half-baked on my part. For some reason I'd decided his name was "Hanrahan". Maybe I was thinking Terry Hanratty or summat.
There's a Hanrahan who plays for the Nationals. There's your alibi.
Span makes another plan that some other left fielders might not make
_elm_n gets to that ball with ease!!!!
_elm_on gets to that ball
with easewith these!!!!Delmon would have just started running by the time Span caught that.
Have we all mentioned how much better this OF is when those Span/Gomez are lurking?
So yeah, __lm_n gets that ball. After it bounces off the wall.
Good cheese.
With Delmon in left, he turns that into a 2-run HR somehow.
Say what you will, he gets runs in.
...wait... OUR guys in? Oh, hell no...
Rally Time!!!
Natty.
Rally Hair.
Man, Buscher in the on deck circle for Gomez? I'd take my chances with Gomez there. Agggg.
Abide something, Jason.
You're not going to win many games when Tolbert has provided most of your offense.
Rug, meet pee stain.
Damn dirty A's.
Le sigh...
Boo.
Nice play by Kennedy in RF. That ball was tagged by Buscher.
That sucked.
Snakebitten.
One Monday win this season. One. And the Twins don't play on Monday for three weeks now. Why do the Twins hate me so much? Did I run over Mike Redmond's dog or something?
Good night, Oakland.
Suweet! (NBBW loved it).
Tip o' the cap to the lady.