The WGOM

It's a new week, and what better way to start a week than to go back and look at what our local sports columnists wrote about last week. Actually, I can think of a lot better things to do to start a week. In fact, this is way down the list. Really, it's not on the list at all. Nevertheless, I've decided to subject you to the frivolity.

Let's start with Top Jimmy. In his first column of the week, TJ advocated for the removal of Carlos Gomez from the top of the Twins batting order. TJ was telling us earlier this season that Gomez wins the Twins a game a week -- that might be true, but lately, he's been doing his best to lose the other six games a week. TJ accurately points out that Gomez is an exciting player, but he sucks at getting on base. And, considering that leadoff hitters bat more than anyone else on the club, a crappy OBP is not what you need there. The Twins quickly took TJ's advice. This column is pretty much a no-brainer, but TJ has missed no-brainers before, so kudos. Another whipping boy for TJ has been Vikings coach Brad Childress, but the Vikings have the look of a serious contender... okay, I'm not REALLY believing that, but anyway, TJ writes a hey, this Vikings operation looks like it's kind of competent column. Witness:

Now, though, [Childress has] constructed an intimidating running game and added quality receivers to the passing game. He and his quarterback, Tarvaris Jackson, still have miles to go, but Jackson is set up to have at least a solid year as a starter in '08, which would make this (can't ... say ... it ... must ... resist ... optimism) something like a KAO.

In case you are wondering, KAO = kick ass offense. Ouch. First, a my boy Gomez needs to be moved down in the lineup or possibly shipped to Rochester and now a Chili seems to know what he's doing column? Tough week for Top Jimmy. I don't see any poultry references, other than that eating crow that he's doing. What's next, writing a column about a Vikings defensive end and his security blanket? Oh, no he di'nt!

I'm not sure that Patrick Reusse showed up at a game this week wearing the same dress at Tom Powers, but they both wrote the same column last week about some washed up golfer, so that was bad. What can Reusse do to make amends? He starts the week off by scoffing at the Vikings $853 million plan to "reconstruct" the Metrodome. Such a plan would call for $600 million from the taxpayers. I'm pretty happy with the Vikings playing in the Metrodome and, if necessary, somewhere else entirely starting in 2012. 81 dates in a Twins stadium? Yes. 8 regular season Vikings games in an almost billion dollar building? No thanks. The NFL is for TV anyway. Reusse follows that up with a story about a Gopher football player getting his degree 40 years after playing for the U. How is that news? I thought all those guys were on the 40 year plan. Then, Reusse profiles the fourth guy on the Vikings defensive line, at least for now, Jayme Mitchell. It's hard to take that the NFL is coming soon. Reusse ends the week with a tribute to the newly deceased Chicago sportswriter, Jerome Holtzman. In it, he wrote about how much fun it is to hang out in the press box and make fun of ball players -- and that Holtzman was a lot of fun. He kind of sucked as a writer, though.

Holtzman's game stories on the Cubs or the White Sox didn't exactly cause goose bumps on a reader's arms. He embraced clichés as the next generation tried mightily to avoid them.

So, hang out, have fun, mock world class athletes, write crappy stories, and, presumably, hit the bars. Good old boys. One can see why Mr. Reusse has such disdain for bloggers. They are so unprofessional.

Grandpa Sports delivers the usual. Twins happy with Liriano, despite grievance. Tony Dungy thinks the Vikings are going to be good. Seriously, Sid, where do you come up with these questions? You asked somebody who was in town about the Vikings? Brilliant! The Vikings brain trust has been together for a couple of years now, so they are getting their shit together. Think the Brett Favre controversy is something? Well, the Vikings have had their fair share of QB controversies. That last one is a little out of the mold, but never fear, in the same column Sid tells us that the Twins have been a pleasant surprise.

Shooter tears a page out of Grandpa's playbook, writing a non-story about Carl Pohlad. But hey, his first column of the week included this gem:

Golf's "King," Arnold Palmer, was to fly from the Twin Cities to Rochester on Monday in his private jet for his annual physical at the Mayo Clinic.

Well, excuse me for making a crack about a non-story. Shooter follows that stupendous effort up with this one: "Twins reluctant to make a trade that would hurt team's chemistry". Word has it, though, that they aren't worried about fucking up their biology or physics. But, of course, the Shooter column is always about the juicy tidbits. Like this one: "Look for the grass for the Twins' new ballpark opening in 2010 in downtown Minneapolis to be grown on a Colorado sod farm." Whew! That's about as exciting as, well, watching grass grow. Shooter ends a fine week by telling us that Tim Brewster is still promoting the Gopher football program. And there's this note: "The Gophers are still intent on getting the University of Texas on their 2016 football schedule." So, Brewster's gonna make sure that they don't play the Longhorns until after he's fired. Good.

Tom Powers must still be exhausted from his Ron Streck column, so he brings just one column this week about, you guessed it, another old codger golfer that you've never heard of before. Looks like Tom was on vacation. Hope he did something other than hang out with old golfers.

If I keep up this column, Bob Sansevere is going to wear me out. The guy writes pretty much every day. True, he only writes about 200 words a day, but it's every day! Let's see what was on his mind this week. Arnold Palmer says he's had a good life. One would think that there was an old-timer's golf tournament in town with all the old golfers hitting the sports page this week. It's good, though, to see that Arnie has a firm grasp of the obvious. Bob also tells us he's not sold on Tavaris Jackson. But, he's running a KAO, Bob! Speaking of old codger golf, Bob says the course that they played on here in town was too damned easy. Boy, the St. Paul paper spent a lot of time on that tournament. Apparently, Grandpa didn't totally dominate Tony Dungy while he was in town this week. Sansevere talked to him, too. If you just read the headline, "On and On With Indianapolis Colts Coach Tony Dungy" you'd think that Sansevere had a wide ranging interview with the former Vikings assistant coach. You'd be wrong. He's got five questions including a one-word response to a question about Brett Favre. He also didn't ask Tony whether he thought the Vikings would be any good. But, then again, only Sid asks questions like that. Sansevere also talked with Gopher football recruit Sam Maresh, who had heart surgery last month. The kid is talking about playing -- I certainly wouldn't, not after heart surgery. For his final column of the week, Sansevere writes about the rumor that Brett Favre was calling the Vikings on a Packer cell phone. There's a caveat -- if the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (who reported the cellphone story) is dialed in -- but then Bob takes his rips at Favre. Both the Favre and Packers camps are denying this story, so it appears that the MJS was dialing a wrong number. I hope those guys in Milwaukee are fun to hang out with in the baseball press box, because then we can excuse their rumor mongering.