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Six Word Player Evaluation: Mike Redmond

SBG March 23, 2009, at 9:38 pm 10 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

The six word player evaluation continues with backup catcher Mike Redmond. Redmond is a pretty good backup catcher, but he's probably going to get quite a few more starts than we'd like to see this spring. Here's my effort:

Let's get naked and hit, boys!

Add up to four of your own.

The last poll was on former Twin Johan Santana. The winner was staypullgunned's "Best Rule 5 pick ever? Probably." Second place was Beau's "You don't mess with the Johan" and third was Banjo's "Strike, Strike. Strike. Sit down bitch."

Today's poll is on manager Ron Gardenhire. Vote for up to five choices.

Select your Favorite Ron Gardenhire Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

View Results

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Six Word “Player” Evaluation: Ron Gardenhire

SBG March 20, 2009, at 5:11 am 23 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Well, he did play in the majors, but this isn't really a player evaluation, of course. Today we look at the manager of the Minnesota Twins, Ron Gardenhire. There's a lot I could say about the 'Tool, but I will admit to a gradual warming toward the big guy over the years. Still though he

Has fondness for crappy middle infielders.

Give it your best shot, and submit up to four of your own evaluations.

Yesterday's poll was for newest Twin Joe Crede. You might recall he played for some other team the last several years. The winner was staypullgunned's "Working towards an all-Joe Twins team" and second was my "We're supposed to like him now". Third was greenmachine's "Punto finally fourth on 3B depthchart".

And now, the poll for Johan Santana, who, you might remember, once pitched for the Twins.

Select your Favorite Johan Santana Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • Paid over $5000 per pitch (seriously). -- 6%
  • Best Rule 5 pick ever? Probably. -- 39%
  • Really likes playing with Luis Castillo. -- 9%
  • Strikeouts, Cy Youngs, and Latin music. -- 11%
  • worth four players -- bite me, Torii. -- 2%
  • Scott Erickson has way more no-hitters. -- 8%
  • Mets fans won't appreciate him enough. -- 19%
  • He should be his own closer. -- 16%
  • I'm bunting - wait... I'm swinging... triple! -- 5%
  • Historic player; a pleasure to watch -- 9%
  • before allstar? good; after allstar? amazing -- 5%
  • Pitch a shutout, shave Bert's head! -- 13%
  • Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! -- 3%
  • He got my vote in '04 -- 3%
  • He really helped build Gleeman's house -- 5%
  • Go-Go, Mulvey, Humber, Guerra. Worth it? -- 0%
  • Don't blame me -- I voted Johan! -- 13%
  • Johan Santana, El Presidente for Life -- 13%
  • Just give Joe the keys, Johan. -- 13%
  • Free at last. Bite me, Torii. -- 2%
  • So much for a team discount... -- 8%
  • That 17 K game was magical. -- 13%
  • Supernatural - Carlos' album or Johan's changeup? -- 8%
  • steal of the rule 5 draft -- 5%
  • at the end money talked big -- 5%
  • Only Twin with two Cy Youngs -- 3%
  • Killing them gently with a changeup -- 8%
  • Joe, Joe, Justin, Jason no Johan -- 2%
  • You don't mess with the Johan -- 22%
  • Lesson Learned: Hook'em while they're young. -- 6%
  • At least he's not in pinstripes -- 14%
  • He left for fame and fortune. -- 0%
  • Bigger than Jesus? Bigger than Cigarettes. -- 3%
  • Changing speeds: win Cy Youngs, baby. -- 5%
  • Shoulda been three straight with '05. -- 5%
  • Wins be damned. Bite me, Colon! -- 6%
  • Slow change frustrates like passive-aggressive barista's -- 2%
  • Change drops faster than world economy -- 5%
  • Waggle, strike, waggle, strike, waggle, strikeout -- 6%
  • It was fun while it lasted -- 19%
  • Strike, Strike. Strike. Sit down bitch. -- 20%
  • Money yes. World Series Ring? Nope. -- 8%
  • Piles of strikeouts and now cash. -- -267%

Total Voters: 64

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Johan Santana

SBG March 19, 2009, at 6:50 am 22 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

It's Thursday and that means former Twins player is featured. Today, it's Johan Santana. Here's my evaluation.

Piles of strikeouts and now cash.

Add up to four of your own offerings.

The last poll was on Denard Span. The winning evaluation was Rhubarb_Runner's "Bonus money to your LASIK surgeon." Runner up was brianS's "You save big money with Denard's!". Third was spookymilk's "Wrong about you, dude. I apologize."

Today's poll is for Joe Crede. Vote for up to five of the evaluations.

Select your Favorite Joe Crede Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • We're supposed to like him now. -- 24%
  • Twins season rests on his back. -- 13%
  • Back more questionable than Madoff's ethics. -- 9%
  • Great when healthy. Doesn't happen often. -- 11%
  • Working towards an all-Joe Twins team. -- 29%
  • A back weaker than Lutheran coffee -- 9%
  • Over under on games played: 90 -- 4%
  • He's a Twins killer no more(?) -- 2%
  • bad back powerful bat, Twins champions? -- 2%
  • everyone says: turf bad for back -- 0%
  • best benefit: Buscher out of there -- 4%
  • Really is just a regular Joe. -- 11%
  • B!tch Sox? Well, Bite Me, Torii! -- 4%
  • Put it on the board....YES! -- 13%
  • Hoping he's now a BitchSox killer. -- 13%
  • Favorite song: "With Arms Wide Open" -- 2%
  • bad back, still can pick it. -- 0%
  • Strib commenters know he's the answer -- 13%
  • When Buscher/Harris isn't good enough. -- 7%
  • He WILL hit ninety home runs. -- 9%
  • Expectations a bit too high, perhaps? -- 18%
  • Still gonna call him "Rat Boy" -- 2%
  • twins tradition: another washed up veteran -- 11%
  • relax, it's not astroturf, it's fieldturf -- 13%
  • would you rather have wiggy? kouz? -- 4%
  • should be worth 1.2 harris/buscher's -- 11%
  • Now, one of the bad guys -- 9%
  • ubelmann: "worth more than Hank Blalock" -- 13%
  • Punto finally fourth on 3B depthchart -- 22%
  • Can Crede copy Corey Koskie's competence? -- 16%
  • Only Sid Hartman's projections less reliable -- 7%
  • Future cloudier than diarrheic platform diver's -- 7%
  • More cost-effective than Blake, Wiggy. -- 7%
  • Twins corner market on injured Joes. -- 18%
  • Better than moving Mauer to 3rd. -- 20%
  • Also grounds into double plays regularly. -- -257%

Total Voters: 45

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Joe Crede

SBG March 17, 2009, at 6:42 am 22 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Long time third baseman for the Enemy, Joe Crede now dons the uniform of goodness and light. What to make of that? What to make of his balky back? Is he any good anyway?

Here's my offering:

We're supposed to like him now.

Add up to four of your own six word evaluations of Mr. Crede.

Yesterday's Delmon Young poll had a clear winner, Lucky Jim's "Glovework more wince inducing than proctologist's". Ouch. Second place was a tie between "Pull it, you aren't freaking Punto" and "Listen to dad, not to Vavra". Feel the love, people!

Today's poll is for Mr. Denard Span. There were a couple fewer entries, so I'm limiting the vote to three entries.

Select your Favorite Denard Span Six Word Evaluations (Max 3)

  • Only Twin with HTML-valid name. -- 8%
  • Doesn't shop Lowe's or Home Depot. -- 2%
  • Pretty decent defense. Bite me, Torii. -- 2%
  • Secretly wishes he had Delmon's upside. -- 8%
  • Centerfielder playing right and left field. -- 16%
  • Hey Carlos! I play center, too! -- 14%
  • Twins prototype: Defense? Yes. Power? No. -- 16%
  • MLB's best fourth outfielder in 2009. -- 2%
  • Spring training stumble may cost him. -- 0%
  • Should we call him Torii lite? -- 2%
  • Who knew you were this good. -- 0%
  • Might have saved us from Gomez -- 0%
  • Wrong about you, dude. I apologize. -- 27%
  • Was he dogging it in minors? -- 4%
  • Bonus money to your LASIK surgeon. -- 35%
  • Ball four. Poster child for Lasik -- 10%
  • I hope 2008 wasn't a fluke -- 24%
  • Puckett, Hunter, Span, Revere, mentoring line -- 6%
  • Four for three; odd man out -- 2%
  • Florida spring, bat still packed away -- 0%
  • Tablesetter steals like cleated Martha Stewart -- 8%
  • Would rather have him in left. -- 8%
  • He's won over critics, now what? -- 4%
  • Working the count and breaking hearts. -- 2%
  • You save big money with Denard's! -- 33%
  • Candidate for sophomore slump. Hope not. -- -133%

Total Voters: 51

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Denard Span

SBG March 16, 2009, at 3:50 am 16 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Our six word player evaluations continues with Denard Span. Dino burst onto the scene last year from out of nowhere or as from out of nowhere as a former #1 pick can. Still, though, I have my doubts about the guy (but, I'm certainly rooting for him), even as I admit that there is a lot to like about his game, especially when he has his glove on. So, here's my attempt.

Candidate for sophomore slump. Hope not.

The winner of the Torii Hunter contest was actually technically only five words. Or was it five words plus 30? Anyway, the winner is Will Young's "Always wanted to play in ________". Second was brianS's offering of "Team: No "I". Torii has two." Third goes to "Gomez more fun, less back stabby".

Today's poll is on Delmon Young.

Select your Favorite Delmon Young Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • Don't Tell Will, but he's Young -- 10%
  • Are you wearing roller skates, Delmon? -- 4%
  • Projects as good as Frank Robinson -- 8%
  • Definitely thirty home runs a year -- 2%
  • Ridiculous projections unlikely to come true -- 10%
  • Skating on turf ain't so easy. -- 6%
  • CAN rollerskate in a buffalo herd. -- 2%
  • Ad: "Dude, you're getting a Delmon!" -- 2%
  • Yeah, he's got Joe Nathan's back. -- 10%
  • "Rock, Paper, Scissors" odd man out. -- 2%
  • "You're getting a Delmon!" Dude: "Crap." -- 14%
  • Glovework more wince inducing than proctologist's -- 30%
  • Nobody doubts his power and talent -- 14%
  • Can't eat or drink processed carbs -- 10%
  • First pitch swing -- It's called placement! -- 18%
  • Delmon and Devil both wear Prada. -- 2%
  • Umpire: "Ouch! Was that a bat?" -- 14%
  • Carl Crawford, Delmon Young: Ugly Divorce -- 2%
  • Pull it, you aren't freaking Punto. -- 20%
  • Flyball routes like Bugs to Miami. -- 10%
  • Family baseball royalty? They eat cake! -- 4%
  • Body like Rottweiler. Feet like chihuahua. -- 18%
  • Projections say he's amazing. He's not. -- 12%
  • Torii, without the defense or power. -- 8%
  • Starting pitchers and shortstops are overrated. -- 8%
  • Well, not as fat as Dmitri -- 18%
  • Frank Robinson? You must be joking! -- 6%
  • Won't wear shorts to the beach. -- 2%
  • Surly's alright. Just hit for power. -- 10%
  • Not pretty, but a great personality! -- 4%
  • Flyball to left...um, Delmon? Where...? -- 10%
  • I fell: Inside the park homer -- 10%
  • Listen to dad, not to Vavra -- 20%
  • Better than Cuddyer; no matter what -- 6%
  • See Delmon hit 25 homers soon -- -226%

Total Voters: 50

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Delmon Young

SBG March 13, 2009, at 7:04 am 24 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Our Six Word Player Evaluation series continues with the erstwhile Devil Ray Ironman Delmon Young. He's not exactly become a fan favorite in Minneapolis since Tampa Bay traded him to Minnesota as part of a six player deal that included future HOFer (heh!) Jason Bartlett (or at least future league MVP, right?) and Matt Garza. Here's my entry:

Don't tell Will, but he's Young

Remember you are free to add up to four entries of your own.

Yesterday's poll on Carlos Gomez had a clear winner. In the "ain't it true?" department, WGOMers voted Lucky Jim's (man, he's got some good entries, the Nation wants you in the game logs!!!) "If only he could steal first" as the winner. Second was E-6's "Sets up Morneau, catcher, other guy". Third was "Baseball's berry to good to him" by Will Young.

And now for today's poll. You can vote for up to FIVE entries.

Select your Favorite Torii Hunter Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • Amazing how quickly Twins moved on. -- 16%
  • Sore back sleeping on those moneybags. -- 2%
  • Left trail of Twins under bus. -- 10%
  • League Leader: HR prevented and allowed. -- 2%
  • 저를 무십시오 Torii. -- 1%
  • Who the hell is Torii Hunter? -- 7%
  • "I be drinkin' a Coors Light!" -- 2%
  • Justin Morneau could have taken him. -- 20%
  • Shouldn't have dove for that one. -- 12%
  • Mark Kotsay liner, October 4th, 2006 -- 5%
  • He's gotta feed his family, too... -- 4%
  • The Face of the Franchise, indeed -- 10%
  • Gomez more fun, less back stabby -- 23%
  • Loves Tommy Watkins, Hates Jim Mandelero -- 1%
  • Great smile. It is for himself. -- 5%
  • Always wanted to play in ________ -- 35%
  • Missing filter between brain and mouth -- 10%
  • The WGOM improved when he left -- 4%
  • A million dollar smile. Matching ego. -- 9%
  • Mentored by Kirby. It didn't work. -- 11%
  • Wrote checks his body couldn't cash. -- 1%
  • Thought Gold Gloves were Golden Gloves -- 5%
  • Almost superhero status; lacked spidey sense -- 4%
  • Loved throwing teammates under the bus -- 5%
  • Never missed single inning in life -- 4%
  • The most durable anything anywhere ever -- 5%
  • It was fun while it lasted -- 15%
  • Real clubhouse leader. Just ask Morneau. -- 6%
  • Torii: what is a "G" anyways? -- 2%
  • Keep him away from the pinata. -- 1%
  • Torii, better clubhouse leader than Jesus -- 2%
  • Fenway fence says, "Bite me, Torii" -- 7%
  • Team: No "I". Torii has two. -- 32%
  • Plays through pain. Just ask him. -- 12%
  • When he talks, BS meter pegs. -- 4%
  • Only Jacko’s gloved hand pleasured more -- 6%
  • Playoff misplays: Durham '02, Kotsay '06 -- 2%
  • Hit by Baez? Throw fastball back. -- -202%

Total Voters: 82

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Torii Hunter

SBG March 12, 2009, at 5:42 am 32 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Last Thursday, we took a look at some other former Twins centerfielder. Today, it's Torii Hunter.

Here's my entry.

Amazing how quickly Twins moved on.

Go ahead and add to four of yours.

Yesterday's poll results for Michael Cuddyer have the winner as Big Mak's "Run on me? Ready. Aim. Cuddyer!" with my offering "Repeating 2006 would be nice trick" coming in second. "Best magic trick: Makes baserunners disappear" came in third.

Here's today's poll on Carlos Gomez. Vote for up to FIVE entries:

Select your Favorite Carlos Gomez Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • Warning! Sniffing bats causes two-strike bunts. -- 11%
  • Started stealing at will; what happened? -- 3%
  • English still not his second language. -- 14%
  • Third strike bunt foul is out? -- 10%
  • Who was the previous centerfielder again? -- 14%
  • chases a slider in the dirt -- 6%
  • kiss my bat, love my bat -- 10%
  • run like the wind, Go Go! -- 6%
  • Has unrequited love for his bat. -- 2%
  • Low and outside... strike three swinging -- 8%
  • That was a foot outside, Carlos -- 16%
  • Fielding makes you say "Torii Who?" -- 6%
  • An All-Star everywhere but the plate -- 8%
  • Fun to watch, coolest accent ever. -- 8%
  • Go Go Gomez, Master of Disguise. -- 3%
  • Shut Up Gordo; Please Swing Away. -- 3%
  • Baseball's berry to good to him -- 17%
  • Spats for cleats, bat hats next? -- 0%
  • Bat on fire? Run faster, Carlos! -- 2%
  • Infielders quiver on routine ground balls. -- 3%
  • Candy consumption, hitting unchanged since childhood. -- 6%
  • Sets up Morneau, catcher, other guy -- 29%
  • Go Go flys around the basepaths -- 2%
  • Go Go Strike Out No No -- 5%
  • Fat, lazy pitchers hate speedy bunters -- 10%
  • Cliff Lee sees Go Go, swears -- 10%
  • Covers enough ground for Young too -- 13%
  • Can tell grandkids: traded for HOFer -- 11%
  • If only he could steal first -- 40%
  • Ineptitude paved the way for Denard -- 0%
  • Bunny hop before throwing to infield. -- 3%
  • Him and Span. Two man outfield? -- 5%
  • Sniffs bat. Runs fast. Stellar defense. -- 10%
  • Like the Energizer Bunny on speed. -- 5%
  • Excellent on bases; rarely reaches base -- 8%
  • More excitable than other Twins combined -- 6%
  • Higher OBP will make trade exceptional -- 3%
  • Additional AAA seasoning will improve eyes -- 2%
  • Energy, Decision Making knobs not aligned -- 5%
  • 2190 Ricky Henderson PAs need viewing -- 6%
  • Uniform has mittens pinned to sleeves -- 14%
  • Go-Go gadget legs! Go-Go gadget glove! -- 8%
  • WOW! Bat still smells like wood. -- 10%
  • Brain=not one of five tools. -- 13%
  • Bunt as sole weapon = collateral damage. -- -274%

Total Voters: 63

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Carlos Gomez

SBG March 11, 2009, at 7:22 am 32 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Okay, let's have a go at Mr. Gomez, the slick fielding, no hit center fielder. Here's my take:

Warning! Sniffing bats causes two-strike bunts.

Give it your best shot and remember: 4 entries, maximum.

Yesterday's Jason Kubel vote was close, but the winner was brianS's "What this club needs: More Kubel!!!" with Sheenie's "Dude, His Dudeness, Duder, El Duderino" coming second. Third was "He really ties the lineup together".

Today's poll is for Michael Cuddyer. You can vote for up to FIVE entries. Wow... 45 entries, a new record. I also see there were a couple of new contributors. Welcome aboard and we hope you'll stick around.

Select your Favorite Michael Cuddyer Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • Repeating 2006 would be nice trick. -- 29%
  • Original "Chosen One", the sequel's better -- 3%
  • Michael Cuddyer... have gun will travel -- 10%
  • Gardy: Cuddy is my best Buddy -- 2%
  • Second coming of Dave Parker's arm. -- 0%
  • Cuddyer guesses pitcher's card; guessed wrong. -- 2%
  • Better arm than "Bite Me" Torii. -- 0%
  • Watch me balance ball on cap! -- 17%
  • Span thinks he's a voodoo priest -- 7%
  • Bring some magic back to plate -- 7%
  • Runner to third? "Make my day" -- 19%
  • Arm rocks, Glove? Not so much. -- 5%
  • Strib commenters want him at 3rd -- 5%
  • Veteran presence: more important than talent. -- 7%
  • Pulls RBI out of his hat -- 5%
  • Great Arm. Better Contract. Stay healthy. -- 10%
  • Best magic trick: Makes baserunners disappear. -- 28%
  • Magically Infused Right Arm Of Doom! -- 9%
  • The David Copperfield of the Twins. -- 7%
  • Hopefully knows how to time travel. -- 9%
  • Though body like noodle, Gardy's poodle -- 10%
  • Run on me? Ready. Aim. Cuddyer! -- 48%
  • Takes the first pitch; strike one -- 7%
  • Name was mispronounced until the majors -- 2%
  • Really nice guy...wish this mattered -- 16%
  • 2006 looks like age 27 spike. -- 2%
  • Never forget: badly mistreated in 2003. -- 7%
  • Hit off the baggie? Stay put. -- 12%
  • New stadium next year - what then? -- 0%
  • No speed, cannon arm, evens out -- 5%
  • Prolong his career, move.........never mind -- 7%
  • I will be easily forgotten someday -- 5%
  • Big arm. Sucks up to management. -- 2%
  • Not a difference-maker, it seems. -- 3%
  • He secretly hates Jim Mandelero, too. -- 3%
  • Beatwriter's feel-good story wet-dream -- 2%
  • Telegenic... could Bert play right field? -- 0%
  • Aggressive opponents fear Sergeant at Arms -- 2%
  • Swings at pitches low and away. -- 3%
  • He will never become Tim Salmon -- 3%
  • Big arm, great quote, beloved dimples. -- 12%
  • Leave at 2nd, avoid Castillo Era. -- 2%
  • IF defense worse than Todd Walker's? -- 0%
  • I'd still take him over Delmon. -- -234%

Total Voters: 58

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Michael Cuddyer

SBG March 10, 2009, at 5:01 am 26 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

Oops, we missed a day. But, we're back. And it's time to do Michael Cuddyer, the glib, oft-injured, pull a rabbit out of a hat right fielder(?) for the Twins. Here's my offering.

Repeating 2006 would be nice trick.

Add your favorite six word evaluations of Mr. Cuddyer. Please don't add more than four.

Last Friday's poll on Kirby broke this way: the winner was my default entry "And we'll see you tomorrow night." Second place was freealonzo's "Now batting third...Kirrrr Beeee Puckett", which was a creative use of six words. Third was "Hop on my back tonight, boys!"

Today's poll is on Jason Kubel. You can vote for up to FIVE entries.

Select your Favorite Jason Kubel Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • When in doubt, blame the Dude. -- 6%
  • CRACK! Home Run. The Dude Abides -- 13%
  • But for his knees, who knows? -- 23%
  • He abides. Nothing more to say. -- 7%
  • Limited in the outfield range department. -- 6%
  • Dammit, it's not koo-BELL, it's KOO-bell! -- 6%
  • Bite me, Torii. Bite me again. -- 6%
  • Like Bruce Dickinson says, "More Kubel!" -- 21%
  • Likes lefties less than Rush Limbaugh -- 10%
  • He really ties the lineup together -- 25%
  • The Dude abides on broken knee -- 14%
  • Gimpy knees and a powerful bat = Kubel -- 3%
  • Free at last, Free at last.. -- 10%
  • Thank Gardy, I'm free at last -- 7%
  • I'm not as fat as LeCroy -- 17%
  • third best lefty in the lineup -- 4%
  • on one leg, can still rake -- 4%
  • will pass on Arizona Fall League -- 14%
  • What this club needs: More Kubel!!! -- 28%
  • It's just a game, man. -- 1%
  • What the f^(&$# you talking about? -- 1%
  • Swing. Deep drive. Slow trot. Abide. -- 14%
  • lefty: you've got the money, honey -- 0%
  • Buried alive... buried alive... KUUUBELLL!!! KUUUUUUBELLLLLLL!!!!!! -- 3%
  • Third Strike, Bat Still on Shoulder. -- 6%
  • KKKKKKK UUUUUUUU BBBBBBBB EEEEEEE LLLLLLLL !!!!!!!!!!! -- 10%
  • He's the beast from Belle Fourche -- 4%
  • Dude, His Dudeness, Duder, El Duderino. -- 27%
  • He's into the whole brevity thing -- 6%
  • That rug tied the room together. -- 10%
  • Not 'Kubel.' I'm the Dude, man. -- 8%
  • This aggression will not stand, man. -- 18%
  • The Chinaman isn't the issue, Dude! -- -232%

Total Voters: 71

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Jason Kubel

SBG March 6, 2009, at 5:03 am 31 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

It's Friday, and it's time for a six word player evaluation. Who better to end the week with than Jason Kubel? Well, there's Mauer, Morneau, Kirby, but we've already done those. Anyway, let's give the dude a shot. Here's mine:

When in doubt, blame the Dude.

Add your favorite six word evaluations of Mr. Kubel. Please don't add more than four.

Yesterday's Francisco Liriano poll was a battle between two heavy hitters. The winner was Lucky Jim's "Backdoor slider nastier than White Castle's", barely edging out Beau's "Stop worrying and love the F-Bomb". Two excellent offerings! "That explosive slider exploded his elbow" came in third.

Today's poll is on Kirby Puckett. You can vote for up to FIVE entries.

Select your Favorite Kirby Puckett Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • Unfortunately, he's glaucoma's biggest poster child. -- 1%
  • Great leaping catch! Bite me, Torii. -- 8%
  • Definitely not the fairy tale ending. -- 3%
  • 14 March 1960 - 6 March 2006 -- 5%
  • Often swung, missed; never at Hrbek. -- 3%
  • Never punched Meares in the clubhouse. -- 1%
  • Kirby in center: Kotsay, no homer. -- 5%
  • And we'll see you tomorrow night! -- 56%
  • "Puckett swings AND HITS A BLAST!" -- 21%
  • Now batting third...Kirrrr Beeee Puckett -- 51%
  • Best Twins centerfielder, ever. No doubt. -- 16%
  • Quite simply, the greatest Twin ever. -- 10%
  • Swung at everything and hit it. -- 16%
  • Liked every pitch, except THAT one. -- 6%
  • Opposing pitchers question their career choices. -- 3%
  • Pitcher Charlie Leibrandt was my bitch -- 2%
  • Playing baseball sure is fun, man -- 15%
  • Meeting Kirby was greatest childhood memory. -- 0%
  • Career cut short, still in hall. -- 3%
  • Puck Pack: cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake -- 8%
  • Chili told him not to bunt -- 5%
  • Hop on my back tonight, boys! -- 32%
  • August 30, 1987: What a game -- 0%
  • F--- the bunt, hit a homer! -- 7%
  • Had fun, lived large, dark ending. -- 6%
  • Thanks for the memories, big fella. -- 5%
  • Made Tom Kelly look awfully smart -- 4%
  • Who the hell is Torii Hunter? -- 3%
  • Big Stick, Big Buddha, Big Hops -- 5%
  • bunts and runs through first base -- 0%
  • Touching 'em all, somewhere over rainbow ... -- 5%
  • Touch 'em all. On field. Off. -- 9%
  • Red stone bathroom red light district? -- 0%
  • Three million was alot of money. -- 1%
  • Powered leg kick smiling squat body. -- 2%
  • Tomorrow is promised to no one. -- 6%
  • Lavelle and he, true Twins indeed! -- -223%

Total Voters: 96

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Kirby Puckett

SBG March 5, 2009, at 6:00 am 43 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

The six word evaluations of current Twins players are humming right along and we are really getting some good responses. Today, I wanted to add in a new wrinkle -- six word evaluations of Twins of yesterday. What better place to start than with Kirby Puckett, the little engine behind the Twins two World Championships. There's a lot to say about Puck, I'm expecting that you'll say it. In six words.

Let me take the obvious one:

And we'll see you tomorrow night.

Enjoy this one, friends.

The results of our Joe Nathan poll are in and the winner, by far, is "# Twitch. Strike. Twitch. Strike. Twitch. Strike." Once again, Rhubarb_Runner submits the winning entry. Second place goes to "Twitch, twitch. Deep exhale. Strike three." Say, does Nathan twitch on the mound or something??? Third place is the 9,460th finger in the eye of the Giants' GM, "How's Pierzynski working for you, Sabean?" Previous winners of the contest are listed here. You know, if you are voting in the polls but aren't a citizen, what are you waiting for? Register and join in the fun!

Attached is the poll for Francisco Liriano. You can vote up to 5 different entries.

Pick your favorite Francisco Liriano Six Word Evaluations (Max 5)

  • That explosive slider exploded his elbow. -- 22%
  • F-Bomb's pitching; f-bombs from opposing dugout. -- 5%
  • Clemens vs. Liriano? Roger's a loser. -- 9%
  • Still a Twin -- bite me, Torii. -- 3%
  • Hopin' for some major déjà vu. -- 3%
  • They really think Baker's the ace? -- 15%
  • Sliders at 90 are gone forever. -- 5%
  • Franchise: Next Twins Cy Young Winner. -- 11%
  • Back from surgery, ready to dominate. -- 20%
  • Song of choice: Amy Winehouse "Rehab" -- 6%
  • Good thing we stuck with Livan -- 11%
  • Two strikes? Here comes the slider -- 3%
  • Slider, Slider, Slider, Fastball, Slider - OUCH -- 15%
  • Explosive slider, exploded elbow, full recovery? -- 17%
  • Backdoor slider nastier than White Castle's -- 52%
  • No, my first name ain't Frankie... -- 6%
  • It's Francisco, F-Bomb if you're nasty -- 9%
  • I would've been better than Johan -- 8%
  • Ruesse thought I was getting fat -- 6%
  • Constantly dominated Tampa Bay this winter -- 2%
  • Who knows what his future holds -- 6%
  • fastball, fastball, slider... strikeout! rinse, repeat -- 2%
  • fastball, fastball, slider...sit down, beeyatch! -- 9%
  • He's faking this injury. Whoops...wait... -- 5%
  • Justin Verlander, Rookie of the Year...? -- 8%
  • Busted elbow? God Bless modern medicine. -- 9%
  • Outpitched by Livan for two months -- 5%
  • Stop worrying and love the F-Bomb -- -172%

Total Voters: 65

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Francisco Liriano

SBG March 4, 2009, at 6:57 am 39 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) ,

The six word player evaluations continue with a look at our still young pitcher Francisco Liriano.

First of all, here are the results of the Nick Punto poll. First place went to Rhubarb Runner's shout "STOP FREAKIN' DIVING INTO FIRST BASE!" Who among us hasn't shouted that at the TV a few hundred times? Second place was "swung for the fence, popped up" and third place was "Lovable midget plays hard, sucks harder". I hear Punto is big in Italy. Anyway, here is a rundown of all of the past contests.

In 2006, I tried to hang the nickname Generalissimo on him, but it didn't stick. What stuck was the F-Bomb. That's cool enough, but what wasn't cool was the Tommy John surgery and a lost 2007. He was decent last year after a trip to the minors, but 2009 is the year that we really find out about him. Here's my six word player evaluation:

That explosive slider exploded his elbow.

Go ahead and add up to four of your own six word evaluations of Mr. Lirano.

Don't forget to vote on the Joe Nathan evaluations in the poll below. Vote for up to SIX of the candidates. Oh and come back tomorrow, when we review a former Twin.

Pick your favorite Joe Nathan Six Word Evaluations (Max 6)

  • Torii: He's no LaTroy Hawkins. Word. -- 14%
  • Twitch. Strike. Twitch. Strike. Twitch. Strike. -- 49%
  • Career WHIP 1.03 -- obligatory baserunner? Barely. -- 7%
  • 1000 paper cuts to Brian Sabean. -- 1%
  • "Save" stat's antiquated - bite me, Torii. -- 3%
  • How's Pierzynski working for you, Sabean? -- 24%
  • Made of nervous tics and strikeouts -- 15%
  • Eighth inning? Tie game? No Nathan. -- 21%
  • Here's hoping he can stay healthy... -- 1%
  • Joe Nathan: Gardy's Super Secret Weapon. -- 10%
  • Better Luck Next Time, Brian Sabean. -- 11%
  • Just Give Him the Keys, Gardy. -- 21%
  • Trails Reardon, Aggie in leveraged beardage. -- 11%
  • Joe's in, say goodnight! Twins win! -- 10%
  • Hey, batter! Fuck you! Sorry...Tourette's -- 20%
  • Comparatively rare opportunities keep me underappreciated -- 17%
  • Armageddon if he pitched two, Gardy? -- 11%
  • Ninth inning - Someone post the keys. -- 7%
  • Ack, I'm nary a groundskeeper boyo. -- 0%
  • No, Joe Nathan isn't really Scottish. -- 0%
  • Prolong his career, move to third? -- 23%
  • Nathan's pitching? The fat lady's singing. -- 8%
  • Twitch, twitch. Deep exhale. Strike three. -- 25%
  • I made the Twins look intelligent. -- 8%
  • Twins: Nathan, Liriano, Boof. Giants: Pierzynski. -- 8%
  • Rallycapping Baltimore? Quoth the Nathan, "Nevermore!" -- 14%
  • Nathan...good night (at the Roxbury) -- 0%
  • Ninety Four, Ninety Five, Ninety Six! -- 4%
  • Not all we got from Giants!!! -- 1%
  • Rarely sucks, but those memories last -- 6%
  • Count Chocula, with a better arm. -- 20%
  • Mariano, you can suck my jock. -- 4%
  • Thought I'd be traded. I stayed. -- 0%
  • Shortstop thing just didn't work out. -- 3%
  • Sometimes I really miss Pat Neshek. -- 20%
  • My shoulder hurts. Gardy pops tums. -- -297%

Total Voters: 71

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Joe Nathan

SBG March 3, 2009, at 6:49 am 31 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) , ,

First of all, welcome to all of you who are joining up to play along. I hope you hang around and join in on the fun.

Second, we've got a winner in the Justin Morneau vote: "Jason Morneau is your Derby Champ", submitted by our good buddy davidwatts. Nice going, dw. Runner up is "Rhymes with Porno. Suck it Torii!", another very nice entry. Third place is shared by "Stripper wife. Twins MVP. Life's good." and "Canadian lumber: you've seen him run." Excellent entries, all. Go here to check out past contests.

Today's subject is Joe Nathan. You might remember this four word player evaluation of Mr. Nathan when he was traded to the Twins, which is part of my six word evaluation:

Torii: He's no LaTroy Hawkins. Word.

The World is about to find that out, with the news that LaTroy is replacing Joe in the WBC. Please add your evaluations. You can add up to four six word evaluations on Joe.

Now, for today's vote. Nick Punto sure generated some interest. Vote for up to SEVEN of your favorite Nick Punto entries.

Pick your favorite Nick Punto Six Word Evaluations (Max 7)

  • Might start sliding on his wallet. -- 12%
  • Can't bunt -- got dirt in eye! -- 3%
  • Scrappy, does the little things right -- 5%
  • STOP FREAKIN' DIVING INTO FIRST BASE! -- 37%
  • Defense hasn't slipped; bite me, Torii. -- 2%
  • Tries bunting; tries baserunning; keep trying! -- 20%
  • $8M: two years of Web Gems. -- 8%
  • Even, Odd, BABIP up and down -- 5%
  • When did he become Ozzie Smith? -- 3%
  • Charlie Hustle of the 21st Century -- 5%
  • swung for the fence, popped up -- 30%
  • Scrubini archetype. Gardy's one and only. -- 12%
  • Lifts arms, jumps away: called strike -- 20%
  • Even Souhan mocks his playing style -- 2%
  • Roll, roll, roll in ze dirt. -- 7%
  • Name means 'little girl' in Italian -- 20%
  • Favorite player of the mythical "shut-ins" -- 5%
  • Dick Bremer thinks he can bunt -- 12%
  • Little Nicky Punto, Bite me Torii -- 3%
  • Little Nicky Punto: bunt, slide, out. -- 18%
  • Nick Puntonimo: Last of the Piranhas -- 17%
  • Lovable midget plays hard, sucks harder -- 25%
  • Foul bunts, headfirst slides: eight million! -- 15%
  • The little engine that couldn't. Frown! -- 3%
  • I make STRIB commenter's heads explode. -- 7%
  • Continental Diamond said you go bye. -- 0%
  • Compromising pictures of Gardy are safe. -- 22%
  • How long 'till I get injured? -- 8%
  • Does not rhyme with, awww nevermind. -- 0%
  • Just a poor man's David Eckstein -- 3%
  • When Justin fought Torii, I lost... -- 8%
  • Web gems, headfirst slides, dirty uniforms -- 15%
  • Levitates as he throws runners out -- 8%
  • Best goddamn player of all time. -- 23%
  • Burt should circle with Mendoza line. -- 10%
  • First base line, or beer slide? -- 2%
  • Battles his tail off for Gardy. -- 10%
  • Justin Morneau's bodyguard - bite me, Torii. -- 10%
  • Little Nicky Punto, Batgirl's tiniest superhero -- 20%
  • Good as Bartlett without MVP votes -- 3%
  • Don't slide into first you moron! -- 8%
  • ESPN web gem every other night -- 3%
  • Nick Punto sucks. Bring Back Bartlett. -- 7%
  • Can We Call Up Plouffe Yet? -- -356%

Total Voters: 60

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Nick Punto

SBG March 2, 2009, at 6:00 am 40 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) ,

It's Monday and time for another edition of Six Word Player Evaulations. The first evaluation was that of Joe Mauer. The results are in and the winning six word evaluation of Joe Mauer is: "He ain't Jesus, but close enough." I set up a page for this silliness here. You can track the top three vote getters for each of the polls as they come up.

With Mauer out of the way and the vote about to start with Justin Morneau, I thought it was time to head in a different direction and take on Mr. Nick Punto. Nicky had a breakout 2006, which netted him a 2 year deal. He sucked air seriously in 2007 and seemed headed for the door. But, he was better in 2008 and has now been rewarded with a pretty handsome deal. So, my candidate six word evalutation of Nick Punto is:

Might start sliding on his wallet.

Go ahead and add yours. Please limit your selections to four at the most. You'll see that there were a ton of offerings for Justin Morneau... if this picks up steam, it might take a day just to put the poll together! Go ahead and vote for up to SEVEN of the Morneau choices.

Pick Your Favorite Justin Morneau Six Word Evaluations (Max 7)

  • 2006 MVP, but third best Twin. -- 17%
  • Corey Koskie looks like his dad -- 4%
  • Doubles increase, homers decrease: Twins baseball! -- 15%
  • Ubelmann thinks that his defense sucks -- 9%
  • Mountie meltdown in September, Jesus Saves. -- 9%
  • Jason Morneau is your Derby Champ -- 25%
  • only hope to hit Subway sign -- 8%
  • I'm really sorry about last September -- 9%
  • Rhymes with Porno. Suck it Torii! -- 24%
  • I will always love Todd Bertuzzi -- 3%
  • A hunk of Canadian Timber, eh -- 13%
  • ESPN says Jason? then its Jason! -- 4%
  • Lumbering Canuck, comes wielding his axe. -- 12%
  • Good hitter, bizarre hold on voters -- 8%
  • Why are Twins' stars so boring? -- 4%
  • RBI equal MVP votes--even today -- 3%
  • Long-term contract, Target's first icon? -- 7%
  • When I'm not afflicted, I mash! -- 4%
  • When on field, Robot I become. -- 4%
  • Another Canadian Club: Justin Go Boom! -- 19%
  • Stripper wife. Twins MVP. Life's good. -- 20%
  • Sheenie was my very first fan. -- 0%
  • Draw in dirt at first base. -- 3%
  • Ya' know? Ya' know? Ya' know? -- 1%
  • I Thought Sheenie Was His Girlfriend? -- 7%
  • Huge exhale with contact, that's gone! -- 1%
  • Gotta love the helicopter HR followthrough. -- 9%
  • Mauer's ex-roomie; who's cookin' breakfast, eh? -- 7%
  • Bite me, Hamilton - bite me, Torii. -- 11%
  • Superior Torii slug-dodging; sorry, Nicky -- 1%
  • Secretly wish I was Patrick Roy -- 19%
  • MVP? Just look at those ribbies, maaaaaaan -- 4%
  • Needs Punto to take his punches -- 8%
  • Insert random "Jason Morneau" joke here -- 3%
  • Good, but where are his intangibles? -- 7%
  • Torii? Cue the "Street Fighter" music -- 1%
  • Sweet bat, 'meh' glove, good times -- 3%
  • Canadian lumber: you've seen him run. -- 20%
  • Ha - Mil - Ton! Ha - Mil - Ton! -- 3%
  • Jacks Homers; Blue Ox Looks On -- 7%
  • Dudley Do-Right with bat and glove -- 12%
  • M-V-P, Not a G! -- 4%
  • Justin Morneau rocks my socks off! -- 4%
  • Derby winner, still came in second -- -256%

Total Voters: 75

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Six Word Player Evaluations: Justin Morneau

SBG February 27, 2009, at 6:46 am 32 LTEs - (Sorry, but the time to add LTEs has expired) ,

The rules are simple. Describe the player in question in six words. You can enter as many times as you wish. Then, we vote on the entries to find the best answer (or best three answers). There were a lot of entries for Mauer, and hopefully all the players will generate enough interest to make this fun. The poll on the bottom is for Mauer. Vote for up to five of your favorites. Anyone can vote here, not just SBG Nation Citizens (but really, if you are reading and voting in polls, why not just take the plunge and sign up?).

And now, here's my submission for Justin Morneau: 2006 MVP, but third best Twin.

And now, the poll:

Pick your favorite Joe Mauer Six Word Evaluations

  • He ain't Jesus, but close enough -- 32%
  • What a pansy: enough fake injuries. -- 2%
  • Minnesotans rake, and he proves it. -- 5%
  • Perennial MVP candidate - bite me, Torii. -- 13%
  • Hits only singles, move to third. -- 3%
  • Should have taken Mark Prior first. -- 9%
  • Two batting crowns; needs a ring. -- 24%
  • Hall of Fame will be calling. -- 17%
  • The real MVP; shove it, Morneau. -- 9%
  • sweet swing, sideburns, savior of baseball -- 13%
  • The Second Coming in baseball cleats -- 2%
  • Born in manger, bat in hands -- 20%
  • Hits and hits and hits and -- 9%
  • a Liriano fastball: his favorite cheese -- 0%
  • R.A. Dickey cometh: Bring bigger mitt -- 0%
  • When does he move to third? -- 6%
  • QuickSwing, by Mauer. Best invention ever? -- 1%
  • Recipient of our non-sexual man crushes -- 9%
  • Public speaking definitely not a strength -- 2%
  • Thick Minnesota Accent: Embarrassing on MLBTV. -- 3%
  • Batting Champs don't care about homers. -- 16%
  • Shot to the gap, rinse, repeat -- -95%

Total Voters: 87

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